Dumb Nerds – no looks, no brains….no hope!

His glasses are thick, his breath is scented with Tic Tac freshness and his shirt is tucked into his trousers so far, you’d swear his belt buckle was a star trek pin. He is a nerd, and he thinks he’s all that with 100 hit points and maximum charisma.

When he isn’t fishing his underpants out of his lower colon after a super wedgie from life beatings class 101, he dreams of a better life that is achievable because nerds are smart, much smarter than you or me.

There is a silver lining to the nerdy nimbostratus cloud is that being a nerd will open the doors to many of life’s better vocations. Nerds will be your doctor, your lawyer and possibly your nuclear rocket engineer once you win your very first coup d’état and threaten life, liberty and the American way.

Let’s face it a clever nerd will succeed in life (but fail hilariously at sports). There is however another breed of nerd: the freakishly dumb nerd.

When the dumb nerd walks past, you can tell straight away he is a nerd by the looks, monotone speech and the way he acts like he just split the atom with his massive mind. Realistically, he can’t piece together a sentence, equation or even win a dragon quest. He is a fraud, a fake…a dumbass. He’s got all his knowledge from Wikipedia and all his dignity from a Kmart toilet.

If you are still unsure if you are dealing with a stupid nerd, ask him what Menza is. If he tells you that it is a Google image search term employed for when he is feeling like a little Mexican bi-curious action, alarm bells should be ringing.

My theory around why the dumb nerd population is escalating at such a rapid rate is simple, you are witnessing God’s wrath! You see the parents of these poor souls’s have for too long committed the mortal sin of watching far too much science fiction, which essentially undermines God’s spiritual monopoly.

If I was god I would also punish these wicked parents. The watching of all this science fiction over the past few decades has replaced God’s resident bad boys and close personal friends “the 4 horsemen” with pasty girly armed aliens as the vehicle of the apocalypse. Even worse is that Jesus’ miracle of rising after death has been made to look like a cheap party trick compared to the miracles seen in Cocoon 1&2.

Don’t buy into this theory? Well we took a trip to a science fair (tradition nerd stomping ground) and discovered some retarded exhibits that prove that the proof is in the sphincter pudding…..behold!