7 Google Popular Search Suggestions that Expose Mass Shame

Google is great, we all love google…we would love google even more if they ranked www.thelamest.com #1 for the following search terms: rad, sik, awesome and bodacious….but that’s another story.

Google are always trying new things to make our lives easier. Unfortunately their quest for self improvement uncovers our collective browsing shame.

Here are just a couple of the most baffling, bizarre and lame google popular search suggestions that I’ve discovered:

1) “How to go”

I’m assuming this is a nerdy teenage boy request expecting to see a link to Amazon selling “Going Down on Chicks for Dummies”. With all the easily accessible porn (so I’ve heard) on the web, you wonder how this search phrase ever got a quarter of a billion hits.

2) “Why is there”

Dead Pakistani’s on couches is becoming an issue? This should not be confused with the equally prevalent issue of dead Kazakh’s in sofa couch’s. (after some research I discovered this is a quote from the tv series Lost. I’m frankly staggered that there are 67,000 people that still watch that show).

As for why is there blood in my poo. I’d suggest those million or so people were sold a hamster and not the advertised gerbil.

3) “Why do I”

Man does google have it in for the sub-continent. First Pakistan now India! I’m waiting for a popular search term to appear asking “why do Bangladeshi’s like spanking themselves whilst eating cashews”.

Moving onto the 187 million people with 4 nipples. I can only hope the destination website let’s these people know they are all freaks and that they must never venture to the beach without a rash vest!

4) “How long should”

I can only assume that how long should it take to ejaculate, was the first sticky words typed into google after only being able to get through 4.8 seconds of the Paris Hilton sex tape…what google won’t be able to tell you is the best remedy for your emasculating ejaculating is to logon to the little known Maggie Thatcher sex tape website…0% arousal guaranteed.

5) “Does it matter if”

If you are a confused Jewish Mogwai this simple search phrase will set you free.

6) “How do you”

How do you finger yourself?! Do the bio-mechanics of this act really need to be explained.

I find it worrying that there are 18 million people out there with their index finger stuck in their nostril consulting google to see where it all went wrong.

7) “How do I give”

Forget all the queries of how to give a head job, the 2.5 million searches for How do I give myself an enema has grabbed my attention. I know that this world is filling up with douche bags but I didn’t realise these douches were using their namesakes on themselves…I don’t care if my colon is as filthy as a hippy’s Combi Van ashtray…an enema will never be on the menu.

Well that’s it! I’m sure I’ve missed some crackers…so please leave a comment if you know of any others.